The Buddhist Practice of Patience

Everyone can reap the benefits of having more patience. And it’s not just a maxim; there is a practical way to increase our patience through the Buddhist teachings. What motivates us to change our attitude toward irritation and challenging relationships is the pain of aggression that we experience firsthand, and that we visit upon others and vice versa. How often do we strive to bite our tongue, but the sharp words still fly out? How often do we feel others’ harsh words on our own skin?

Patience keeps our relationships warm and loving, our work environment friendly and uplifted, and most importantly, our own mind remains peaceful, despite all that challenges it. Furthermore on the bodhisattva path, where our attainment of enlightenment is fueled by warmth and love towards others, patience is a core principle (paramita) that protects us from veering away from our vow. The paramita of patience is known as an armor that protects us as we strive to expand our love and compassion for all beings.

How to Become More Patient

In the following excerpts, Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche offers key insights into how to develop “wisdom-based” patience. Through honest self-reflection, we can understand the causes and conditions of our reactivity and aggression, what Rinpoche describes as the “mental unrest” that builds up to aggressive words and actions. As we practice, we can accept our flaws and measure them with the yardstick of kindness rather than self-criticism, understanding that we and all beings suffer with reactivity. And we can deepen our motivation to work intelligently and creatively with our own mind when we are provoked and in danger of getting angry because we want nothing to compromise our compassion.

Begin with love and compassion

To foster the ground of love and compassion that are at the heart of patience practice, we recommend this short guided meditation by Rinpoche, recorded by the Skeptic’s Path Podcast.

Important Steps to Developing Patience

Commonly, patience or tolerance are understood as a process of controlling something that might otherwise spill out, like putting a bird in a cage. However, a more subtle and lasting patience begins with identifying the source of our aggression and anger in the first place. 

Simmering Practice

When we are provoked and feel irritation or aggression beginning to arise, how can we avoid taking them to their ultimate conclusion and creating a pain for ourself and others? Rinpoche introduces the practice of simmering—we simmer until we gain clarity and can tackle the problem with a fresh perspective.

Keeping Perspective: Getting a Little Upset is Normal

We should be realistic in our practice of patience. Getting a little upset is normal. But, how what kind of wisdom do we apply to not let that upset turn into something bigger?

Peaceful Heart Interview

In this interview about his new book, Peaceful Heart: The Buddhist Practice of Patience, Rinpoche speaks with Sasha Dorje Meyerowitz, his student and Executive Vice President of Mangala Shri Bhuti, in a live broadcast hosted by the Boulder Bookstore (Video courtesy of the Boulder Bookstore.) They discuss a range of topics from the reasoning behind the practice of patience to how not to become a doormat.

Purchase Rinpoche’s newest book, Peaceful Heart, on Amazon