Getting Over the Fear of Suffering

We need to understand and realize just how much human beings are suffering. Then we can develop the proper motivation to free ourselves and free others from both suffering and the causes of suffering.

To begin with, we cannot go on living our lives as if nothing were wrong. We cannot pretend that our lives are all wonderful and good. It is true that life is often wonderful and good, but life is also filled with tremendous suffering. We conveniently try to forget how much we suffer. Suffering is experienced by all of us, all of the time, on a very unconscious level. While the conscious mind is busy, actively engaged in a distracted state ”rejecting suffering, hoping to feel good and wonderful” the suffering goes unnoticed. But suffering remains strong and constant in the unconscious mind. Confused mind tries to ignore and abandon this suffering with all sorts of clever techniques.

Unfortunately, most of these habits and techniques are self-destructive and only create further suffering. Instead, we must try to experience and identify suffering created by outer circumstances, our own minds, or a combination of the two.

Mind is always busy. Mind is constantly engaged, so we never take time to experience or understand suffering. In order to understand suffering we must experience it objectively. We cannot pretend that we are perfect when we are trying to develop an objective understanding of suffering.

We have to get over the idea of being perfect before we can attempt to change anything in our lives. We also have to get over the immense feelings of guilt that come up when we are suffering, as if we should not be suffering, or that, by suffering, we are doing something terribly “wrong.” It is true that you are doing something “wrong” as a fundamentally ignorant sentient being. But you are not awakened. You do not have everything “under control.” That is the whole point. We get caught in tendencies expecting to be perfect, feeling guilty that we are suffering, getting distracted and then further ignore the depths of our suffering, its causes, and conditions.

The teachings cannot penetrate your mind or do anything to help you when you are caught in distraction. The whole point of the Buddhas and bodhisattvas giving teachings is to help sentient beings understand the state of samsaric mind. But the tendency toward distraction makes us close down instead of open up. We must begin by opening up to suffering instead of running away, keeping ourselves distracted, or engaging in habitual patterns. Opening up is very important, for, on the deepest level, suffering is no longer experienced as suffering.

There is a certain amount of fear we have toward suffering. But, if we do not get over the fear of suffering, we will continue to suffer. Then, on top of the suffering, we will also suffer fear. Nothing can change when you are frozen with fear. Before we can practice compassion, we have to get over the fear. We have to get over seeing ourselves as perfect. We have to get over feeling guilty, and running away from suffering. These tendencies are obstacles to compassion and only make suffering worse.

Remember that you are not “under control.” You do not have the kind of control experienced by a sane, enlightened person. You do not have control over your mind, emotions, or your experience of suffering. On top of that you have your karma. So let your self feel vulnerable and helpless. See the vulnerable condition of your mind and its habits. Feel the helplessness that all beings feel. How helpless and vulnerable we are! We are at the mercy of our past actions, actions conducted by habitual mind, negative emotions, ego, and ignorance. We have not done anything to change things for the better. We do not even know where to start, or how to do anything properly. We are lost and confused, like blind people in an intersection. The karma continues as the fruits of karma ripen.

Only as we get over our tendencies and begin to understand the deeper levels of our own suffering can we start to develop compassion for others. At that point it will not feel so terrible to witness suffering because you will not feel so self-protective. You will not feel you are going to get sucked in to the suffering you see around you. But, right now, your heart is shut down. You cannot even handle your own suffering. Only when we get over our tendencies can we begin to open up to and understand all suffering as “one taste”. We learn that exposing our hearts and opening up to other beings’ suffering can actually decrease our own suffering. It can make our hearts tender, one with others’ hearts. We want all beings to be free from suffering. We feel incredible love inside of us. That love becomes a wish to extend ourselves to others in any way that we could. We feel willing to take on suffering because it does a good thing for us. It breaks our cocoons. We become very thankful to have a chance to witness suffering, because it helps give us a new heart, a new friend inside, a new vision to take care of ourselves and others with joy and openness.

Do not pretend that you are some kind of powerful god. When you feel helpless, just accept the helplessness. You are not anything other than equal to all other sentient beings, vulnerable and helpless. Being helpless exposes our hearts to suffering. It develops our tenderness, increases the rawness, awakens our wisdom minds, and helps us understand and appreciate things we never thought we would appreciate, such as suffering and the causes of suffering. It is when you find out the causes of suffering and can connect the causes of suffering to the suffering itself that you find an incredible sense of compassion. That is the beginning of turning from a samsaric person to a person on the path, a person who could actually do something for others. That is why we say that suffering is the direct cause of compassion, and compassion is the direct cause of the aspiration for enlightenment. True compassion is beyond idiot compassion, beyond ignorant mind; true compassion understands suffering in a purer way.

We have to understand how to cultivate and feel the taste of compassion. Expose yourself to someone in tremendous suffering. Right away you will think: “I do not want to hear about this person’s suffering. I do not want to be disturbed by this suffering.” Even though, in some ways, you might feel a small seed of compassion, there is still an element inside you saying: “I do not want to hear about this suffering. I do not want to be disturbed hearing about this suffering. I am suffering enough myself. I am disturbed enough. I do not want to be any more disturbed. I am in a short period of peace. I do not want to lose my peace.” So, you may say: “Sorry,” to the person suffering, but it comes from your habitual mind and your negative emotions. Your heart remains tightly closed.

You have to establish a ground of compassion in order to understand how another person is suffering. You have to feel the suffering deep inside of you so a certain type of tenderness can come about. If we do not learn how to develop compassionate feelings, it is no use whatsoever to simply witness beings’ suffering. There is so much suffering around us that we try to shut our eyes and hearts all the time and pretend to see and feel nothing.

If you can feel the person’s suffering from your helpless state, your heart will open up and become very tender. You will wish for the person to be free from the suffering. You will feel close and connected. You will feel compassion. You become thankful to the people suffering because their suffering helps bring you out of your rotten cocoon. It makes you a little bit more fearless, a little bit more accepting, a little bit more willing. Anything you do from a compassionate place is going to be a great thing to do. Anything you do without compassion is not going to be a great thing to do at all.