Working with Others: The Four Magnetisms (Part 3)

The fourth magnetism is practicing what you preach. You have to follow your own advice so that people can trust you. Don’t make a show of your progress. For your outer manifestation, look to the Hinayana tradition, which is rooted in clean, precise conduct. Try to be as flawless as possible with your conduct, and with the Hinayana teachings._x000D_
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Internally, your mind can be guided by the Mahayana—by training daily in the Four Immeasurables and aspiration bodhicitta, which includes the practices of equalizing, exchange, and caring for others more than yourself; and by practicing the six paramitas. So, by conducting yourself in this way, you have a clean outward life, and a clean inward life._x000D_
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In your conduct and behavior, there are two other important qualities to cultivate: ngotsa, meaning “self-respect,” and trelyö, or “decency.”_x000D_
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Ngotsa has an interesting translation. It is often translated as “shame.” In the English language, shame has a negative connotation, but in Tibet, shame is considered good, as a necessary quality regulating our conduct. Shamelessness is regarded as quite detrimental._x000D_
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Regardless of whether anybody busts you, you should still know from your own perspective when you’ve done something wrong. When you operate from your own self-respect, integrity, and conscientiousness, that’s what is meant by ngotsa._x000D_
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Running around naked in a crowd won’t necessarily harm anybody, yet you know it isn’t good to make such a spectacle of yourself. That’s an extreme example, but we can relate it to more common experiences._x000D_
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Gossiping, for instance, causes a loss of integrity, self-respect, and dignity. When you do something that makes you lose your self-respect and feel badly about yourself, that means you have lost your self respect. You can see how this kind of shame is actually a positive quality to be cherished and cultivated._x000D_
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Self respect (ngotsa) relates to your side of the experience, while decency (trelyo), relates to the experience of others. Decency here means restraining your actions because they would hurt, bother, or negatively affect someone else._x000D_
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So both these qualities involve intelligently restraining your actions: one out of self-respect and integrity; and the other out of concern for others. These two qualities need to be increased and sharpened._x000D_
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Self respect and decency contribute a tremendous sense of order to civilization and society by keeping individuals’ minds in harmony with the world’s common ethics and laws._x000D_
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So, we now have a variety of tools to help us reach our goal, and a number of qualities to cultivate and develop. Maturing as a bodhisattva is about not succumbing to life’s frustrations, which are, after all, subjectively produced and impermanent._x000D_
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Real progress comes from internal development, developing your own wisdom and skillful means based on the view of interdependence._x000D_
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By seeing yourself and others as equal, exchanging yourself with others, caring for others more than for yourself, and cultivating the six paramitas, you develop and refine your internal life._x000D_
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By contemplating and practicing the tools of the four magnetisms, you develop and fulfill the vow to help others selflessly. By cultivating self-respect and decency you honor and uphold integrity in the world and in your mind.